I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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