omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
