Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
