would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
