Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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