And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
