I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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