I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
