one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
