so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
