so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize