U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
