he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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