so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
