i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
