He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
