He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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