D3 body, D1 cock
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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