I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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