Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
