Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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