woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
