Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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