if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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