i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
