I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
