I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
