shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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