I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize