Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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