Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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