The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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