She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
