Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
