She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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