I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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