my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
