i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
