my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
