You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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