You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
