I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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