My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
