I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
