Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
