I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
