found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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