i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
