I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
