I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
