The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need moral support for this bender
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
