hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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