"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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