Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
