im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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