i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
