Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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