he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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