we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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