I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
