So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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