I bet he comes in French.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
