Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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