9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
