So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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