I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
